“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well, you just might find you get what you need.” Rolling Stones members have been through several divorces, and their words are good advice if you are about to divorce.
Many people fall into the trap of thinking they can get what they want when their marriage ends. Yet, when you and your spouse both think like that, it can lead to conflict. You cannot both keep the house. You cannot both have the children live with you all the time.
Needs and wants are two different things in a divorce
Rather than focusing on what you want, you need to concentrate on getting what you need. Here are a few examples:
- Time with the kids: Your kids need to retain regular contact with both parents. Is it so bad to allow the kids to spend a few nights a week with their other parent? Doing so may make things easier for you, as it gives you time to yourself. Your kids will appreciate you all the more for the time apart.
- Financial security: However much you love the family home, it is a piece of property with a specific monetary value. Let’s say it is worth half a million, and there is $300,000 left to pay on the mortgage. The actual value that you and your spouse own is, therefore, $200,000. While you might want to keep the house, you do not need to. You need to get a fair share of $200,000 and any other assets. If you do so, you can take out a mortgage on a new home to fulfill the need to have somewhere to live.
If you and your spouse can both focus on getting what you need from your divorce rather than what you want, it sets a more realistic tone for negotiation. It can speed up the process and help you both to move on sooner.