Belleville Family Law Blog

Once you decide to divorce, you may feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders. You may also turn your attention to the future, as you realize you now have full control over every decision you make.

While it's important to make key changes that allow you to live a better life, here are some mistakes you should avoid during or shortly after your divorce:

• Drastic changes to your appearance: For example, don't rush into getting a tattoo or plastic surgery. These may be things you do in the future, but wait until you have a clear mind before making such a big decision.
• Don't share too much with your ex-spouse: In the event that you still have contact with your ex, such as when co-parenting, it's important to stick to the essential details. There's no reason to share information on your personal life.
• Don't overlook the power of counseling: Divorce will change your life in many ways, so it never hurts to speak with a counselor or therapist. A few conversations can help you better understand your feelings and how to cope with them.
• Speaking out on social media: In today's world, it's often easier to share your thoughts on social media than it is in person. Don't bad-mouth your ex on social media, as doing so will cause more harm than good.

As you go through the divorce process, you understand how important it is to keep your children in mind. You want to do whatever you can to provide a routine that allows them to avoid disruption in their day-to-day life.

If you're granted visitation rights, stick with your schedule to ensure yourself of spending quality time with your children. Also, consider other ideas for remaining a big part of their life, such as virtual visitation.

Not only will divorce change your life in many ways, but it will also do the same to your children. Fortunately, with the right plan in place, you're able to help your children through this difficult time.

There are many steps you can take to help your children get through the early stages of divorce, with these five among the most powerful:

• Show your love. Let your child know that you love them. Just the same, let them know that their other parent is there for them as well. If you do nothing else, let it be this.
• Be honest. There's no good reason to lie about your divorce or the future, as the truth will eventually come out. Tell your children what they need to know in an honest manner.
• Stick to a schedule. Divorce is difficult enough. You don't want to make it worse by jumping from one parenting or custody schedule to the next. Giving your children structure during divorce is vital.
• Encourage communication. You need to communicate with your children before, during and after your divorce. You're not finished after one conversation.
• Tweak schedules in the future. The visitation schedule you use today doesn't have to be the same as the one you rely on next year. As long as you and the other parent are on the same page, you can always settle on a schedule that's best for your children.

When it comes to co-parenting, there will be times when you're stuck and looking for answers. This isn't a fun place to be, but it's important to remember that there's a solution to every problem.

Here are four co-parenting tips that will change your approach for the better:

• Be flexible with scheduling: Scheduling conflicts are common when co-parenting, so keeping some level of flexibility is a must. Don't let the other person walk all over you, but do keep an open mind.
• Think about the other parent's feelings: Yes, you need to do what's best for you and your children. However, this doesn't mean you should go out of your way to harm your ex-spouse.
• Don't look for an argument: There are times when you'll argue with your ex-spouse. It's a given. What you want to avoid is turning every small disagreement into a blowout argument.
• Communication is key: An open line of communication improves the likelihood of staying on the same page. This doesn't mean you have to talk every day. It doesn't mean you have to discuss your personal life. You simply want to find a way to effectively communicate, as it makes it much easier to coordinate on a variety of details.