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Belleville Family Law Blog

How should you tell your family about your divorce?

Many people spend so much time thinking of a way to tell their children about their divorce that they overlook the rest of their family.

From your parents to your siblings to your extended family, there's a good chance you'll want to inform these people about what's happening in your life.

Consider including these things in your prenuptial agreement

Many people find it difficult to create a prenuptial agreement, as it has you thinking about divorce before you ever walk down the aisle. The creation of a prenup does not mean you'll get divorced in the future. It simply means you're preparing yourself in the event that it happens.

Here are some of the many things you should consider including in your prenup:

Asking for a divorce is easier said than done

In your mind, you have everything planned out. You know that you want to ask your spouse for a divorce, and you have a clear idea of the approach you'll take.

But then something happens. You're face to face with your spouse and you freeze. You don't know what to say or do.

How are you planning for the financial side of divorce?

When you first decide to divorce, you do so because your marriage is no longer working. You realize that maintaining your relationship into the future is not in your best interest.

Once you understand the personal impact of divorce, it won't be long before you're learning more about planning for the financial side of things.

How to handle the divorce process in regard to your job

Going through a divorce will change your life in many ways, such as the way you raise your children and how you budget your money in the future. It's important to focus on yourself during this difficult time, but don't overlook the impact your decision will have on others. For example, you must know how to handle the divorce process in regard to your job.

Here are four tips to help you keep your career in order, despite your divorce:

  • Talk to your boss: You don't have to go into details, such as explaining why you are getting a divorce and what you hope to accomplish by doing so. Stick to the facts as to let your boss know where things stand. This is important as you may need to take time away from work in the future to deal with your divorce.
  • Contact the HR department: Most importantly, they can guide you with respect to any changes you should make to your benefits. For example, you may need to remove your ex-spouse from your health insurance coverage. You may also need to change your life insurance beneficiary. Let your HR department provide guidance on all the changes you need to make.
  • Review your job responsibilities: Now's a good time to take a close look at your job responsibilities, as your personal life may dictate what you can and can't take on in the future. For instance, if you'll have sole custody of your children, it may not be feasible for you to travel as much in the future. This will lead to your having an important conversation with your boss.
  • Take care of yourself: There may be days when going to work will cause more harm than good. Divorce can take a toll on your mental and physical health, so taking breaks from work to care for yourself is critical.

Will asking for a prenuptial agreement lead to a breakup?

Once you decide to tie the knot, you don't want to do anything to rock the boat. While everyone argues from time to time, you want to enjoy the time leading up to your wedding.

If you're interested in asking your partner to sign a prenuptial agreement, you may have concerns that it could lead to a breakup. Rather than take a risk, there are a few things you can do to reduce the tension and work together on how to best move forward.

  • Have an open conversation: Don't issue demands, tell your partner what they have to do or make them feel bad. Instead, have an open conversation about the pros and cons of creating a prenuptial agreement.
  • Talk about your fears: You have a reason for wanting to create a prenuptial agreement, so bring it to light early on. There's nothing wrong with discussing your fears and your many reasons for wanting to go down this path. This is much better than hiding your true feelings.
  • Ask and answer questions: You're sure to have questions for your partner, especially if they're opposed to a prenuptial agreement. Just the same, your partner will have questions for you, so answer these to the best of your ability.
  • Don't rush: You want to get this out of the way as quickly as possible, but that doesn't mean you should rush the process. Doing so increases the likelihood of a mistake.

Will you follow these holiday co-parenting tips?

Regardless of the time of year, co-parenting has a way of bringing unique challenges to your life. When the holiday season rolls around, don't be surprised if you're searching for answers to a variety of questions.

Fortunately, following a few key co-parenting tips will help you avoid any real issues during this time of the year. Here are five things to keep in mind:

  • Your children should always come first: No matter what, make sure your children enjoy the holiday season. This often means putting your bad relationship in the background for the meantime.
  • Know your schedule: There's a good chance your parenting agreement includes a holiday schedule. Become familiar with it as soon as possible.
  • Plan in advance: You need to be on the same page as the other parent as you plan for the upcoming holidays. From personal schedules to time away from school, everything should be discussed.
  • Coordinate gifts: The last thing you need is an argument about gifts. Discuss this upfront as to avoid trouble down the road.
  • Keep yourself feeling good: It's your holiday season too, so don't let an argument with your ex-spouse ruin your good time.

There is no avoiding these co-parenting issues

You should expect to run into a variety of co-parenting issues, as raising a child with an ex-spouse is not always easy. Even when you get along relatively well, there will still be times when you run into challenges.

Here are several co-parenting issues that could come to light at some point:

  • The other parent is talking badly about you to your children. You hope this never happens, but it's not out of the question for the other parent to put your children in the middle of your bad relationship.
  • Schedule changes. As your children grow, the need to alter schedules will probably move to the forefront. Just the same, there may come a time when you ask the other parent for flexibility. It's a good idea for both parents to remain reasonably flexible in regards to schedules.
  • Power struggles. You want to raise your children one way, while your ex has a different idea. This is a big part of co-parenting, as the two of you need to find a happy medium.
  • Lack of consistency. You need to have consistency between your two homes, as this is the best way for your children to get and remain on a schedule. For example, if bedtime at your house is 8 p.m. but the other parent sets a bedtime of midnight, there will be a problem soon enough.

Do these things to maintain your health during a divorce

When you find yourself in the middle of a divorce, it's easy to turn all your attention to the process itself. From property division to child custody, there is no shortage of details that require your attention.

All of that pressure means that it's easy to look past how important it is to maintain your health. If you don't focus on caring for yourself, you may soon find yourself feeling ill, thus making it more difficult to remain efficient and productive.

Expect your children to ask these questions about divorce

Depending on the age of your children, there's a good chance they'll have a variety of questions if you decide to divorce your spouse. Although this decision will impact your children in many ways, there are things you can do to ensure their stability in the days, weeks and months to come.

Here are five of the most common questions children ask about divorce:

  • Why is this happening? It's a difficult question to answer, but being open and honest is the best policy (within reason, of course).
  • Can we still live in the same house? Your children may not understand that divorce means that you and your ex-spouse will no longer live together. It's something to explain early on.
  • What will happen to me? Even if many things are changing, such as moving your children into a new home, you must let them know that both parents will forever love them.
  • Did I do something wrong? Children often place the blame on themselves. Make it clear during the first conversation that they are not responsible for your divorce in any way.
  • What happens next? You don't want your children to worry about the future. You need to lay out the next steps, giving them a clear idea of what to expect.

When you are ready to discuss your legal issue with an experienced Illinois lawyer, we will be here for you.

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