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Belleville Family Law Blog

There is no avoiding these co-parenting issues

You should expect to run into a variety of co-parenting issues, as raising a child with an ex-spouse is not always easy. Even when you get along relatively well, there will still be times when you run into challenges.

Here are several co-parenting issues that could come to light at some point:

  • The other parent is talking badly about you to your children. You hope this never happens, but it's not out of the question for the other parent to put your children in the middle of your bad relationship.
  • Schedule changes. As your children grow, the need to alter schedules will probably move to the forefront. Just the same, there may come a time when you ask the other parent for flexibility. It's a good idea for both parents to remain reasonably flexible in regards to schedules.
  • Power struggles. You want to raise your children one way, while your ex has a different idea. This is a big part of co-parenting, as the two of you need to find a happy medium.
  • Lack of consistency. You need to have consistency between your two homes, as this is the best way for your children to get and remain on a schedule. For example, if bedtime at your house is 8 p.m. but the other parent sets a bedtime of midnight, there will be a problem soon enough.

Do these things to maintain your health during a divorce

When you find yourself in the middle of a divorce, it's easy to turn all your attention to the process itself. From property division to child custody, there is no shortage of details that require your attention.

All of that pressure means that it's easy to look past how important it is to maintain your health. If you don't focus on caring for yourself, you may soon find yourself feeling ill, thus making it more difficult to remain efficient and productive.

Expect your children to ask these questions about divorce

Depending on the age of your children, there's a good chance they'll have a variety of questions if you decide to divorce your spouse. Although this decision will impact your children in many ways, there are things you can do to ensure their stability in the days, weeks and months to come.

Here are five of the most common questions children ask about divorce:

  • Why is this happening? It's a difficult question to answer, but being open and honest is the best policy (within reason, of course).
  • Can we still live in the same house? Your children may not understand that divorce means that you and your ex-spouse will no longer live together. It's something to explain early on.
  • What will happen to me? Even if many things are changing, such as moving your children into a new home, you must let them know that both parents will forever love them.
  • Did I do something wrong? Children often place the blame on themselves. Make it clear during the first conversation that they are not responsible for your divorce in any way.
  • What happens next? You don't want your children to worry about the future. You need to lay out the next steps, giving them a clear idea of what to expect.

A lousy spouse can still be a great parent

Your spouse ends your marriage, which was never a very good partnership. Or maybe it was, until it suddenly wasn't. As such, it is natural for you to also feel like you are the better parent and that your kids should live with you.

If you find yourself in this position, it is important to remember that someone does not have to be a good spouse to be great parent.

Do you need an Illinois child support modification?

Divorcing with small children is never easy for parents. You probably worried about the impact of the divorce on the children. There's also a good chance that you worried about how this change to your family will affect your relationship with your kids.

If your ex receives custody, that typically means that you will see your children last and will also need to pay child support. Paying child support is an important parental responsibility. It helps ensure your children have everything they need for a healthy and productive childhood and adolescence.

Signs that divorce may be coming soon

Even if you are 100 percent dedicated to making your marriage work, there could come a time when you have no choice but to consider divorce.

It's important to understand the many signs that divorce may be coming, as this gives you the opportunity to change your ways in an attempt to save your marriage. Here are some of the more common signs:

  • You are never happy: Even when things are going well in your life, you are never happy with your marriage.
  • You don't have positive interactions: Day after day, the majority of interactions with your spouse are negative.
  • Others see your trouble: Do your friends and family constantly ask you what is going on in your marriage? Do they suggest that you move on by asking for a divorce?
  • You feel more like roommates: There may come a time when you no longer feel like a married couple, but more like roommates.
  • Everything turns into an argument: There is no denying that every married couple argues from time to time. However, if you find that the smallest disagreements turn into blow out arguments, something may be wrong in your marriage.

Collaborative law is essential during divorce

When you go to court over an issue that affects you and your family, it's important that you are protected and have a fair trial. For some families seeking divorce in the past, the courts weren't always fair. That has changed for them with the new Illinois Collaborative Process Act, which became effective on the first day of 2018.

This new act was a way to help same-sex couples amicably resolve their family law issues outside litigation. This was a process already used for divorces, paternity, adoptions and civil unions, but now, it is an established, codified standard.

The many ways to deal with the emotional impact of divorce

As someone going through a divorce, you're well aware of the impact it can have on things such as your finances, personal life and day-to-day living arrangements.

However, you may be surprised at the emotional impact. While you're sure to face a variety of emotions throughout the divorce process (and in the future), there are steps you can take to deal with this situation:

  • Don't hide from your emotions: Rather than run the other way, let your emotions take over your mind and body so that you can deal with them in the appropriate manner.
  • Take the time to understand your feelings: Why are you sad? Why are you angry? Why are you upset? It's one thing to experience an emotion, but another thing entirely to know why this is happening.
  • Rest your mind and body: The day in and day out grind of the divorce process can take a toll on your mind and body. Even if you're the type of person who is always on the go, it's important to rest your mind and body as necessary. If you're mentally exhausted there's a greater chance that your emotions will get the best of you.

Don’t let child custody trouble spoil your summer vacation

With the help of a parenting agreement, you should have a clear idea of what's expected of you in regards to co-parenting.

Child custody trouble can quickly spoil the summer vacation you've been looking forward to, so make sure you eliminate any potential concerns before they bog you down.

How will you prevent arguments with your ex-spouse?

If you've put your marriage in the past but still have to communicate with your ex-spouse, perhaps because you have a child together, it's important that you do whatever you can to prevent arguments.

There will be times when you disagree, but the last thing you want or need is regular arguments that begin to take a toll on your life.

When you are ready to discuss your legal issue with an experienced Illinois lawyer, we will be here for you.

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